Friday, June 15, 2007

Lordy I love Atlanta!

Atlanta is composed mostly of one-way streets. The only way to get out of downtown Atlanta is to turn around and start over when you reach Greenville , South Carolina. All directions start with, "Go down Peachtree" and include the phrase, "When you see the Waffle House." Except that in Cobb County, where all directions begin with, "Go to the Big Chicken." Peachtree Street has no beginning and no end and is not to be confused with:

Peachtree Circle
Peachtree Place
Peachtree Lane
Peachtree Road
Peachtree Parkway
Peachtree Run
Peachtree Terrace
Peachtree Avenue
Peachtree Commons
Peachtree Battle
Peachtree Corners
New Peachtree
Old Peachtree
West Peachtree
Peachtree Industrial Boulevard

Atlantans only know their way to work and their way home. If you ask anyone for directions, they will always send you down Peachtree.

Atlanta is the home of Coca-Cola. Coke's all they drink there so don't ask for any other soft drink unless it's made by Coca-Cola. Even if you want something other than a Coca-Cola, it's still called Coke.

The gates at Atlanta 's Hartsfield International Airport are about 32 miles away from the Main Concourse, so wear sneakers and pack a lunch.

The 8 am rush hour is from 6:30 to 10:30 AM.
The 5 pm rush hour is from 3:00 to 7:30 PM.
Friday's rush hour Thursday afternoon and lasts through 2 am Saturday.

Only a native of Atlanta can pronounce Ponce De Leon Avenue, so do not attempt the Spanish pronunciation. People will simply tilt their heads to the right and stare at you. The Atlanta pronunciation is "pawntz duh LEE-awn." And yes, they have a street named simply, "Boulevard."

The falling of one raindrop causes all drivers to immediately forget all traffic rules. If a single snowflake falls, the city is paralyzed for three days and it's on all the channels as a news flash every 15 minutes for a week. Overnight, all grocery stores will be sold out of milk, bread, bottled water, toilet paper, and beer.

I-285, the loop that encircles Atlanta, which has a posted speed limit of 55 mph (but you have to maintain 80 mph just to keep from getting run over), is known to truckers as "The Watermelon 500." Don't believe the directional markers on highways: I-285 is marked "East" and "West" but you may be going North or South. The locals identify the direction by referring to the "Inner Loop " and the "Outer Loop." If you travel on Hwy 92 North, you will actually be going southeast.

Never buy a ladder or mattress in Atlanta . Just go to one of the interstates and you will soon find one in the middle of the road. The last thing you want to do is give another driver the finger, unless your car is armored, your trigger finger is itchy and your AK-47 has a full clip.

Possums sleep in the middle of the road with their feet in the air. There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 live in Georgia . There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 live in Georgia , If it grows, it sticks. If it crawls, it bites.

If you notice a vine trying to wrap itself around your leg, you have about 20 seconds to escape, before you are completely captured and covered with Kudzu, another ill-advised "import," like the carp, starling, English sparrow, and other ''exotic wonders."

It's not a shopping cart, it's a buggy. "Fixinto" is one word (I'm fixinto go to the store). Sweet Tea is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking it when you're 2 years old.

"Jeet?" is actually a phrase meaning "Did you eat?"
"Momma-nem" means: How's Mother and all of the other children and other members of the family doing.

Lordy, I love ATLANTA !


Jane said...

ROTFL! Hey - did you know that we say "Jeet" in NJ (where I grew up) too? It's still a big joke in our family - we ask "Jeet" and the reply is, No "Jew".

tonya said...

this is too damn funny but i can relate to the driving in Atlanta. I went to Atlanta once and nearly got killed on a freeway, literally. our rented mini van was side swipped by an idiot going about 85 miles a second and we were knocked into a concrete wall, bounced off the wall and hit again by the same car. the rented mini van was totalled

Carrie Penny said...

I saw your post while looking at the Virtual Vaca peeps and I had to comment. You know, people that live around here are always joking about Atlanta! I always take 20 down now and take the hwy not interstate b/c I get so lost on the Peach Tree directions. It takes a lot longer to get somewhere, but I am less likely to get so lost I can't find myself.

Cookie said...

LOL! Here in the Dallas area, we have Preston, Valley and Ridge, used in a number of combinations.
When we first moved here, we wondered, and still do, why they heck they couldn't come up with more names for streets, subdivisions, apartment complexes, etc.

Anne said...

OK.. so .. that was 100% true and I live here LOL. Although Fixinto is just a southern thang, I think - I got it from my daddy and have been saying it since I was like.. 5 LOL

Bubblesknits said...

LOL That is completely true! My husband and I go to several conventions in Atlanta every year and we get lost every time trying to find a street that's going in the direction we need it to!

Oh, and let's not forget all the hotels, convention centers, and shopping malls that have Peachtree in the name! LOL

pantoufle said...

AS someone who went to school in Atlanta, you forgot the streets that are broken in two or three by parking lots and buildings and the streets taht magically turn into one direction without any notice. Oh, and Ponce De Loen is never fully pronounced; It's just "Ponce".

laurie said...

You should "bottle up" some of that southern charm and knowledge, then sell it as part of a package for tourists or potential transplants from the west or north.
Good thing I am just cruising through Georgia via the KVVS, instead of actually being there. One would have a hard time convincing me that Georgia was part of the US I have grown up in.

Joan in West Texas said...

Deb, I love your description of Atlanta. Our daughter lives in Kennesaw and we just returned from visiting her. It's all too true!
Joan in West Texas

monnibo said...

That's pretty funny!! I want one for Vancouver... that's good!

veronica said...

We just moved to Lawrenceville and I think your post is too true! Especially about the spiders!! Ack!